


He's just not that into you

by Shally



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Roommates, hxhbb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 07:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18586381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shally/pseuds/Shally
Summary: When Shalnark and Uvogin move to city, they realize their hot landlord Isaac Netero might be more than they can handle.





	He's just not that into you

**Author's Note:**

> A joke fic about Netty being the bomb, quite literally

Padokia, Padokia, oh the joys of the bustling city of Padokia. There was something to be said about a place that held a little bit of everything. From the tallest skyscrapers (aside from heavens arena, which had no rival in the entire continent), to the most notable hot spots, Padokia city had everything. Five star restaurants, huge shopping malls, great landmarks; it would take a traveler at least a month to go through everything, and even then the scenes seemed to change at the blink of an eye. Festivals, events, celebrity appearances; for the residents that lived in the heart of such a regal city, their lights would always be lively, as long as their pockets were deep. 

Luxury, excitement, and thrill did not come cheap in a place like this. 

Shalnark knew it, Uvogin knew it, hell, even their friends from the Phantom Troupe Buying Club from Meteor City College knew that Padokia was a rich man’s playground. 

Shalnark was lucky, at least. He was twenty six and already well off in the sense that his work was as an online whatever the fuck for hire. He marketed himself as an online aide, helping people with troubleshooting, taxes, or difficulties with spyware or malware. In the end, he was really just an over glorified hacker who knew how to fool around with his computer to make a quick buck. 

Uvogin didn’t know anything about Shal’s work, and didn’t bother to ask. Computers and all their jazz were too difficult for Uvo to follow. Sure he wasn’t a complete fool, seeing how he could manage browsing (and shopping) online just fine, but he would rather work outside then slave away in front of a screen. It was partially the reason why the two had made a move to this city, seeing how there were job hirings coming out of the cities ass at this rate. 

Shal didn’t truly care where they lived, as long as he could have wifi, a space to himself, and enough room to place his water cooled monitor in (as well as the four computer screens he had modified to run in the best quality and work flawlessly for hours). Uvo figures the ambient blue light that came off the tech would be a nice addition to the apartment Shal had found online, and was dirt cheap too. 

The price was surprising, to say the least. Most apartments went for at least 120,000,000 jennies, which would really put a dent in the couples savings. Uvo would have laughed the thought away of moving into a city, but the thought of living near everything for only 600,000 jennies? Near a busy main street? Near a bar and subway? 

Complete steal!

Shal thought it was sketchy, as he would. He had always been a little more dubious and careful then Uvogin. Not to say that Shalnark wasn’t a free spirit. The man was always down for a lit party, a handful of shots, followed by a mug of energy drink. He would then top his night off by working away on his trusty computer, sometimes for a job, and sometimes to fuck up the bank accounts of politicians or companies he didn’t like. This was Shal’s autopilot mode, where the hangover was at its prime, but his fingers just managed to move effortlessly on their own. 

It was best not to bug, or talk, or even engage with Shal when he was like this. The man was known to do some real damage after binge drinking. 

With the finding of this new apartment, Uvo had happily convinced Shal to pack up his things and join him on this road trip; four days driving had really put the two through the ringer, especially since Shal had to do all his work on Uvogin’s dinky little laptop. He also had to put up with how small Uvo’s bright purple pickup truck felt when all their belongings were shoved into the boot, Shal’s leg space, hell, every nook and cranny of this damn truck.    

It would have all been bearable if Uvo hadn’t decided to hijack the car’s bluetooth system with his own playlist, which Shal hated. Uvo had the worst taste in music, but the two had an agreement they had kept for years. The driver got music rights, the passenger had to shut up and put up.  

So here Shal was, sitting cross legged in the passenger seat, with his idiot of a boyfriend belting out lyrics as if he was on Yorknew Idol. 

“I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road, and I’m gonna rideeeeee,” Uvo sings out loud, his voice so damn loud that Shal can’t help put try to shove his earbuds in a little harder, “until I can’t no mooooore!” 

“Uvo, for fucks sakes! You’ve had this song on repeat for three hours!” Shal snaps, his ice coffee slowly getting crushed in his grip, “change it! To anything else! Please!”

“What happened to our car rules? I thought I was driving!” 

“I’ll make you ride a damn horse!” 

“Alright, alright,” Uvogin laughs, which is almost worth the torture, seeing how it's warming to the core. Even Shal has to fight to stay mad at him when Uvogin is in such a good mood. “Oh come on babe, you know you love my singing! It’s one of my many charms!” Uvo grins, but doesn’t miss a beat as he skips to the next song on his car ride from hell playlist.

Shal sighs in relief, “thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, sunshine.” Uvo pats the man’s thigh, “although I hope you like NGL rap, because that’s what the rest of this playlist is comprised of. Oh, and a few of Nobu’s fav Jappon hits. You know, that fucking relaxing good shit!”

With the way Shal is focusing on his laptop, Uvo figures he’s being ignored. It’s fine, he's a grown man, he can totally handle it. A little bit of ignoring isn’t going to get his mood down.

“Uvo, stop pouting.” Shal replies without even looking. “We’re almost there and I just need to finish this last email, then I can humour you.”

“But that’s what you said when we got onto the highway an hour ago! You better not be lying to me!”

Shal snaps Uvo’s laptop close and turns to face the man, “See, I’m done. That was a message responding to our new landlord, for your information. He said someone would be in our apartment when we get there fixing up any loose ends so we can move in without any problems.” 

Uvo taps a finger against the steering wheel, the pick up slowing down as they finally came off the highway and entered steady city traffic. Instantly Shalnark perked up, his phone settled quickly in hand as he starts snapping pictures of the local scenery. Their friends back home would be overjoyed to see the bustling city life, especially since it was so different from home. The cars, the people, hell, even the stores that were lit with bright lights and delicate flowers. 

“Oh hey, a strip club!” Shal points out, “and a bakery right beside it. How classy.”

“Gotta get that bread,” Uvo chimes out, making a turn onto the street that would lead them to their new home. 

Apartment buildings seemed to be the norm, as were bars and cafes. Interestingly enough, a large building with neon lights seemed to catch their attention. The music blasting from the building, which apparently was a bowling alley, was definitely unique. 

“Is that vaporwave?” Shal squints, “because its a fucking bop.”

“Nah man, this here is what we call a banger.” Uvo assures, slowing down as he pulls up to two apartment buildings. 

One is tall and black, with the windows tinted so you can barely see into them. The other, which is on the opposite side of the road, is a warm beige colour. It's a few floors shorter, with a more vintage feel to it, seeing how there are plants at each apartment door, and a gold plated name tags over every mailbox. 

“I see our room!” Shal points, not at the fancy new building but at the much older one, the nameplate with Kurta written in cursive hangs above the mailbox. 

Uvo didn’t even want to think about the cost of living in such a minimalist, and expensive looking complex like the one across the street. It was probably three times the rent of their building. People had to be stupid rich to rent a place like that. If only things had been different, but unfortunately, Uvogin had to rely on Shal for now to cover the rent on his own. Their savings had gone into the new truck and into paying off their first and last month. Looking for a job was mostly the reason why Uvogin had moved here; hopefully the city would offer him all the opportunity he needed. 

Pulling into their designated parking spot, Shalnark was quick to jump out of the car, finally free to uncurl his legs and stand his full height. As tall as Uvogin was, Shal was by no means short for a man. 

“I am so glad that’s over, holy shit. Wow is it hot out here! Gotta love summer.” Shal groans as he lifts his arms over his head, before bending down to touch his toes. 

Uvogin offers a low whistle, “Wow, showing off already? Take it easy, people are looking.”

True to his words, in the garden near them a woman with bright white hair was peering curiously in the duo’s direction. Shal slowly returns to his full height, rubbing his neck as an awkward chuckle escapes him. 

“Ugh, hello there!” Shalnark greets the woman pleasantly enough, although it seems that his voice startles her. 

“Oh, hello?” The woman replies, although she’s not exactly sure, “You’re talking to me, right?” 

Shal glances over to Uvo, wondering what the hell this lady was going on about. Of course he was talking to her. She should have known since she was staring so blanky at them. 

Uvo catches on first, “Hello little miss! My names Uvogin, and this here is my better half Shal! We just moved into this new complex, second floor, right in the middle! Guessing you’re one of the people who live in here, and that the cane sitting against the fence is yours, right?”

The woman perks up, “Oh, um, yes! That’s mine, and I do live here. Ah, my name is Komugi, and I live second floor, to the left of your room I suppose! It’s a pleasure to meet you both, new neighbours.”

Shal squints, and Uvo points at his own eyes, and then jerks his chin in Komugi’s direction. Ah, the girl was blind. It makes sense why Uvo was explaining things so visually. Wasn’t Uvo’s usual style, but it was always shocking how quick Uvo picked up on even the most subtle of clues. 

Uvo grabs one of their bags and walks up to the woman, “I’m glad the first person we meet is someone as cute as you, Mugi. You don’t mind if I call ya that, right? Me and Shal just spent four days driving to get here so don’t mind if I’m a little restless! And starving! Hey Mugi, is there a place a guy can get some grub around here?”

Komugi grins brightly as she grabs her cane, “Well, there are lots of places around us. Um, a butterfly cafe, a yorkian style diner, even a cool little bowling alley that serves fried food and the best ice cream floats! But no one really goes there, since it’s kind of an older building? Maybe? At least that’s what I was told. I think it’s also owned by the man who owns our building, so it’s his little get away.”  

Her eyes crinkle as she smiles, and Uvo can’t help but grin along with her, “Shal, look how adorable our new floormate is!” 

“Yes, she’s quite pretty.” Shalnark humms something in response, too busy loading up his suitcase in his arm, and a box carrying his prized desktop. This baby was worth more than a whole year of rent, and well worth every penny. 

Komugi covers her face in embarrassment, surprised at their words. “Oh stop, I’m sure you're both just as um- Adorable! I mean, not that, but you both must be handsome, yes!” She clutches at her yellow sundress, “I think! Since your voices are nice and all, so um, I’m sure you have lovely faces. But thank you for the compliment!” 

Even Shal can’t help but smile softly at the flustered woman. It was about time he saved her from Uvo, or the man would never leave her alone. 

“Komugi, I’m sorry to cut this short but Uvo and I should probably get our belongings into the house before it gets dark.” Shal glares at Uvogin, who ignores his look. 

“I’m sure Komugi would love to come in for a cup of tea! Once we find the kettle and all!” Uvo laughs, knowing full well he had shoved Nobunaga’s best kettle and macha into one of their boxes. 

“Oh I couldn’t,” Komugi waves her hands, “I would be interrupting-”

“No, no, I insist!” Uvogin says louder, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“Uvo, we should really unpack,” Shal says forcefully, “plus we don’t even have anywhere for her to sit since our furniture is coming later tonight or did you forget!”

“No worries! We can use the boxes until then!” Uvo throws back at him, refusing to hear him out. 

“No really,” Komugi takes a step back, “it’s ok! Please don’t fight over this!”

In a swift second Uvogin is tugged back and turned around. “What exactly is going on here?” A new voice says crisply, taking both Uvogin and Shalnark by surprise. 

Uvo looks down to see a man about half his size glaring up at him, no sense of fear in his dark brown eyes. Hell, Uvo was more surprised such a small guy had managed to move him. Most men were hesitant to approach Uvo, especially since he was a giant of a man with a loud personality to boot. No one had ever beaten him at a bar fight, and there had been only a few to ever match him in a yelling match. Shal had been one of those few, as had his best friend Nobu, but Uvo gave many a run for their money when it came to a brawl. 

The man frowns, and his eyes slowly move from Uvo to Komugi. 

“Did I stutter?” He asks as he moves to her side, clearly knowing the woman. 

Komugi beams and grabs the man's hand, and only then does Uvogin spot the matching rings that they are wearing. Her’s is white, and his is black, both fitted with similar designs. 

“Meruem, this is Uvogin and and Shalnark. They’re our neighbours!” Komugi says sweetly, her hand picked up by Meruem’s and held tenderly.

“Yo!” Uvo offers a hand, “Nice to meet ya! You got a hell of an arm on you for a little guy!”

Shal shakes his head. Always saying stupid things and giving the worst first impression. Nice one, Uvo. 

“What Uvogin means to say is that you are very strong.” Shal tries to clear up. 

Meruem tilts his head, “I am more of a strategist. I am a king when it comes to war.” 

“I’m sorry what?” Shal says bluntly. 

“Thinking. Perceiving challenges. Leading an army and sacrificing pawns. It is the elements of war that I excel at. So yes, I am as you said, quite strong.” Meruem elaborates, although it makes absolutely no sense. 

Komugi claps her hands together happily, “Meruem is the best at board games! Absolutely amazing!” 

Meruem blushes, his sun kissed skin appearing even warmer. “That is not true, seeing how you are clearly the master when it comes to Gungi. You are the one who is truly amazing.”

Uvogin eyes Shal and resists the urge to coo at how sweet the statement was. Uvo had always been a hopeless romantic, and this had kicked him right in the stomach. 

Shal thought this was sappy, but didn’t miss a beat as he watched Uvogin. The man had a problem when it came to keeping his mouth shut. 

Uvogin rubs his neck and gives an impish, yet knowing smile. “So, ugh, how do you know Mugi over here? You her little boyfriend or something?”

Meruem lifts up his left hand and shows off the ring, “Our bond is greater than what you could even fathom. Our connections runs deeper than any chasm, and more fluid than a speeding river. We are both individualistic, and yet, wholly one. I would die for her.”

Uvogin gives a low whistle, nodding his head. “Ah, I totally understand what you mean!”

Shal’s eyes widen. He hopes Uvo wouldn’t say some stupid shit like ‘oh hey, so are you fucking?’ He wouldn’t be that crude, would he?

Uvo snaps his fingers, “So are you fuc-”

Shal whips his earphones at Uvogin, stopping the man in his tracks.    

“What Meruem means is that we’re engaged!” Komugi says proudly. 

Shal speed walks over to Uvogin and grabs his arm, “Well that is very lovely, and what a beautiful bond you two do have. I, no, we would love to hear all about it later on but we really should be getting into our apartment. I believe someone is servicing it and we should greet them at least. It has been so great getting to meet the two of you, right Uvogin!”

Uvo huffs, “How come you never proposed to me, huh? Is it because I don’t have a job? Don’t tell me it’s because of Nobu, you know he was kidding when he said he would never come to our wedding. He’s totally down!”

Meruem tilts his head, “Is your bond also as deep as a chasm?”

Uvo beams, “It’s as bright as the stars even!”

“Wow.” Meruem whispers. 

The man seemed….very odd. Shal would have to keep an eye on that one. 

“It’s something.” Shal mutters under his breath, dragging Uvo to the stairs, “Yes! Me and my beloved will see you later!”

“Okay!” Komugi waves. 

“Farewell.” Meruem concludes. 

Uvo pouts but offers a loud goodbye as he let’s Shalnark drag him up a flight of stairs. Shal had always been a mix of brains and brawn, something that Uvo appreciated in a partner. It was always a challenge with Shal, both mental and physical. Made everyday living a little more interesting. 

“Our front door is ajar,” Shal points out as soon as they get to the top, his interest piqued as the sound of movement escapes through the opening. 

“Maybe a cat?” Uvo grins wolfishly, bending down and putting down the box he had scooped up. “Here kitty, come to papa!” 

The scuffling gets louder and the door pulls open. Uvogin blinks back his surprise, expecting to look down into a pair of feline eyes. Instead, he’s face to face with a pair of black sandals and calf high socks covered in pink hearts and sunglasses. Uvogin’s gaze moves higher, running over two muscular thighs, a pair of short black shorts that hung off of a cut waistline. Swallowing hard, Uvo had to stop himself from whistling at the pair of abs on the man’s naked torso, seeing how his shirt only started below his pecks. 

Shal takes a step back in surprise, eyes unable to move away from the live live crop top the man is wearing so proudly. And his body- Shal was used to seeing men with tone figures. His body was pretty impressive, and Uvogin was a gymrat who made sure to keep fit, but this was the first time Shal had been awestruck. The get up was tacky, no, hideous. But the face of the man gave away that he was much older, with silver hair placed into a low ponytail. His jaw was strong, his lips in a carefree grin, and his eyes half lidded.    

Both men were at a loss for words. 

“So you must be the new lovebirds!” The man chirps out while wiping a hand over his brow, the heat making his skin glisten. “I finally just fixed your ac, so you should be good to go! Give this baby a hot minute to start up and you’ll have an icebox of an apartment in no time.” 

Shal covers his mouth, his cheeks flushed at such a charming older gentleman. 

Uvo shakes his head, holding back a laugh. “Wow, well hello daddy. What’s your name?” Uvogin asks before standing his full height, towering over the man. 

The stranger rests a hand on his hip, “The names Netero, sonny, and you must be Uvogin. And the pretty boy...he’s Shalnark, if I remember correctly.”

Shal’s mouth goes dry, “Yes, that’s me. Us. Sorry, should we know you?”

Uvogin leans forward, “We would love to know you.”

“How forward!” Netero laughs, the light glistening over his shaved arms as he moves closer to Uvo. “I’m positive I’ll see you two big boys around, seeing how I do frequent this apartment often. Plus, new faces always get me excited. I never know what to expect with such youthful new tenants.” He says slowly, drawing out each and every word. 

Uvogin can’t help but shy away, not expecting this Netero character to meet him head on. Sweat runs down his back, and Uvo can’t tell if it’s because of the sun blazing against his skin, or if it’s because of the gaze of the man in front of him. 

“You said tenants,” Shalnark clears her throat, “Do you...live here as well?”

Netero crosses his arms over his chest, “something like that. I don’t live here, but I do own the place, so I guess it’s all the same.”

Uvogin and Shal share a surprised look. This barely clad, short short wearing heartthrob was their landlord? 

"If you boy’s need anything, just let good ol Netty know," Netero winks, standing smugly in his yoga shorts as he welcomes the duo to their new complex, "I'll be around at any hour, anytime. Just give the call and I'll be there."

Netero gives a wave as he moves towards the stairs, passing the two with a good natured laugh. 

Uvogin and Shal gawk at such a nonchalant exit, not even sure how to respond to Netero as a person, if he could even be called that. Something about the man was unreal. 

After a moment, when the two men thought Netero was far enough, they entered their new home, letting out a collective breath. Shalnark rests against the wall, trying to compose himself. 

"Uvo...Do you think he's talking about the apartment or implying something else?" Shalnark whispers, still thinking about Netero and his quick leave. 

Uvogin places down his box and wipes his brow. He had to think for a moment. 

"Either that, or he's trying to smooth talk his way into our bed." Uvo humms, standing up and closing the front door. "And it's kinda working for me."

"Uvo... You can't tap that, he's like, a hundred and twenty." 

Uvo rubs his chin. "Well, the man could get it. All he has to do is ask."

Shal presses his hands together, almost at a loss for words. “Uvo, I’m judging you.”

“Ya well, what else is new.” Uvo ruffles Shal’s hair, annoying the man but he allows it to happen. “I don’t think I’ll hate living here, hell, this seems to be a perk. But I think we were looking way to into it, no way our new landlord is gonna be so open like that, especially not a man at his age, no? Then again, maybe I’m hitting the nail right on the head! Ha, imagine that!” 

Shal ducks under the man’s arm, going deeper down the hallway, “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that, to be honest.” 

“Alive?” Uvo raises a brow, “flattered?”

“Yea, no, not sure those are the words I’m looking for but good try!”

“Well at least we have a cute neighbor. Double whammy.” Uvo beams, following Shalnark towards their barren kitchen. “Mugi is gonna be my new bestie, I can feel it.”

“Oh, should I let Nobunaga know he got demoted so quickly?”

“Sure, even he would understand once he sees how sweet our blind little angel is!” Uvo sighs wistfully, “I wonder if her fiance will warm up to us!”  

Shal places down his back, going through it and pulling out an assortment of belongings including laptops, tablets, and an assortment of chargers. “Well, people do usually like you. Maybe they’re attracted to loud fools?” 

Uvo blows Shal a kiss, “Oh yea, is that why you love me?”

“I never said that.” Shal ignores the man, “I’m the exception.”

“Boo who, you don’t love me.” Uvo digs through his own box, pulling out kitchen supplies, “then maybe that gives me and Netty a chance, since you’re not interested.” 

“Don’t you dare!” Shal stifles a laugh, “you’d break the poor man.” 

Uvo grins, “Oh yea, do tell!”

The two are cut off as someone knocks on their door, and Uvo straightens up. “You think that's Netty dear back for another round?”

“No?” Shal moves around Uvo, heading towards the door. “Why would he?”

“Maybe he misses us! Let’s invite him in!” 

Shalnark sighs and opens the door, blinking in confusion at the duo standing before him. One was a tall blond man, smiling so brightly that it was an absolute turn off. The glitter on his eyelids was something that no one could miss, that and the fact he was wearing a full suit and tie even in this blistering heat. Behind him was a much shorter man, looking scruffy and exhausted as he leaned against the railing, his eyes half closed as he eyed Shal with something that looked like disgust. 

“Ugh, hello?” Shal says slowly, wondering if the two had come to the wrong apartment door. 

Uvogin appears behind Shal, placing a hand on his shoulder, watching the two new faces and offering a nod. 

“Hey, nice eye makeup, lookin fresh.” Uvo breaks the silence, seeing how the tall blond is eyeing them up. 

“Hm, a short muscular twunk, and a larger more impressive bear. What an interesting combination. So what kind of circus act is this?” The blond squints his dark brown eyes. 

Shal crosses his arms in annoyance, “oh if we’re analyzing, then all I see is a loudmouth with an ego and some bad fashion sense and some childsized adult with spotty facial hair. Shot’s fired, what’s good.” 

Uvogin coughs into his hand and shoves Shal behind him, laughing to cover up the tension, “Wow aren’t you all comedians. The names Uvogin, the funny guy here is Shal. So, who the fuck are yall?”

The blond snaps a finger and juts out a leg, “Pariston, that’s me. I’m a queen. The dirty homeless guy behind me is my bitch, Ging. It’s your pleasure to meet us. We live in the room above you.”

Shal shoves Uvogin to the side, “you’re ratchet as fuck.” 

Ging bursts out laughing. He pushes himself off the railing and kicks Pariston in the back of the knee. “Shut up, you damn rat. I ain’t no ones bitch, and sure as hell ain’t yours. Is this how you greet new guests, you classless idiot.” 

“Pig’s shouldn’t talk when the adults are.” Pariston mutters before standing up, fixing his jacket. 

Uvogin rubs his neck, not sure how to react to this encounter. “Well, ugh, thanks for stopping by to visit us and ugh, casually insult us? If you wanna take it outside that could be cool?”

“We are outside.” Shalnark points out. 

“We didn’t come here to fight...yet.” Ging yawns. 

Pariston points at the box in Ging’s hands, “we brought you pie. You’re welcome. Porkchop, lets go.”

“Aye, aye.” Ging rolls his eyes but hands the pie over to Uvogin, “It isn’t homemade.”

“Aight.” Uvo nods his head and takes the box, wondering what the fuck he was supposed to say to that. 

Pariston gives a peace sign and a smile before heading off towards the stairs, Ging in tow, even though the man appeared to do so reluctantly. Shal and Uvo weren’t sure what the nature of their relationship was, seeing that Ging and Pariston were a bizarre duo. Maybe that would be the theme of today. Best to ignore them. 

Uvo could already see that Shal was agitated, especially when the two glanced at the cherry pie now sitting on the kitchen table. 

Cherry pie, truly the flavour of evil. At least, that’s what Shal had muttered before heading outside to start grabbing their junk. 

It was after six or seven trips did the two finally empty out Uvo’s lavender truck, and started the tedious mission of filling up their apartment to make it feel more like home. Luckily the apartment had already had a bed and other key pieces of furniture, such as a kitchen table, fridge, working stove, and thankfully a working washing machine. What a luxury. 

It was closer to midnight did the sound of a truck pulling up alert to duo, both who had been sitting on the apartments couch eating fried food they had ordered from one of the local food joints. Neither Shal or Uvogin had been interested enough to go grocery shopping or even attempt to cook, especially not when they were missing half their belongings. At some point during the day their neighbours had returned, seeing how Komugi had stopped by to offer the two a collection of chocolate covered fruit from her favourite pastry shop. Even Meruem gave a smile when Shal accepted them happily, a much better interaction then Pasistons crude offering of sweets. 

That had almost ended in a fight that Uvo wasn’t sure he would want to watch. Shal could get pretty catty when he needed to. 

The knocking at the door had Uvo’s attention, seeing how Shal was busy watching some reality tv show on Uvo’s laptop. Uvogin was content reading romance novels, although he was hoping that Padokia had a place where he could join a book club. He loved his old book club with Danchou, Pakunoda, and the group of moms they had been introduced to. Uvo had been sad to have to leave them, but alas, moving for work was the priority. 

Uvogin taps Shal’s leg, seeing how the blond had thrown them over Uvo’s thighs, and Shal moves them without a word. Heading towards the front door, as soon as he pulls it open a pair of hands fly through the door, grabbing Uvo by the front of his shirt. 

“You bastard!” a familiar voice shouts, “you made me drive the damn truck alone for six hours! Why didn't you wait for me at the rest stop you bastard! You know how slow I was going on the highway! Why do you and the punk own so much trash!”

“Nobu!” Uvo yells out, wrapping his arms around the jaded looking man and holds him close. “I missed you so much!”

“I saw you this morning you idiot! Let go of me before I kill you!” Nobunaga, Uvogin’s life long best friend and a brother of sorts, lashes out in Uvo’s inhumane grasp. 

Shalnark, now spotting the long haired terror, groans as he sinks into the couch. Sure he was happy that Nobu had brought their furniture and clothes, but damn he wished Uvo hadn’t asked Nobu to do the grunt work. They both knew Nobu was going to complain. It was expected. 

“I love you! You’d never kill me!” Uvo assures, planting a kiss on Nobu’s head, causing the man to scream in anger. 

“Fuck off!” Nobu hisses. 

“Stay the night!” Uvo insists. 

“No shit, where else would I go.” Nobu gives up and let’s Uvo carry him inside. 

Shal peers up from the laptop, “You can sleep on the floor.”

“Like hell I am.” Nobu is freed from the grasp and instantly goes over to the kitchen table, helping himself to fries and wings, seeing that the amount ordered was a sign that they had gotten extra for Nobu. How considerate of them. 

“Fine, you can take the couch.” Shal scoots over, letting Nobu sit beside him. 

Uvo takes a seat on the floor, too lazy to grab a chair from Nobunaga's rented moving truck. 

“So how you liking the new digs,” Nobu asks, “although it looks pretty small.” 

The collective apartment probably added up to four rooms max. Bedroom, office, bathroom, and a large room that was the kitchen and living room split in half by a half partition wall. It wasn’t anything like their old apartment which faced the beach and had been warmed by sun from dusk to dawn. This place did have its own charm, now that Uvo had started to personalize it. Mismatched plates filled cupboards, little pots with budding flowers sat where ever there were big enough windowsills. Pictures of Uvo, Shal, and their friends were placed on almost every flat surface. 

Nobunaga, seeing his own face covered in cake from his 30th birthday this year, glares at the picture. Uvo held onto sentimental things, while Shal was more inclined to use things to their full purpose before disposing of them. How the two were good for each other, Nobunaga would never know.   

“Its cozy.” Shal admits, “and it has an extra room for my office since we only need one bedroom. It's convenient for work.” 

“The locals are really interesting, Nobu.” Uvo starts, cracking open a beer he had bought a little while ago, “we have the sweetest lil thing as our neighbour. Cute as a button, but she has a fiance, or else I’d really set you two up!” 

Nobu flicks Uvo in the back of the head, “I’m fine just the way I am. I don’t need anyone, and I sure as hell don’t need you setting me up.”

“Yeah, yeah, anyways. Her fiance is some cool looking guy, a little rough but I think he’s just one of those brilliant types. I bet he would be a party with a few drinks in him.” 

Shal stifles a laugh, “What are you gonna do? Take a shot every time you lose a piece in chess?”

“That’s brilliant!” Uvo beams, turning to face Shal with a dangerous look in his eye, “I’ll ask Meruem tomorrow! Hell, I’m going to have to learn how to play or I’m going to be the only one drunk off my ass.”

“Oh great, here we go.” Shal sighs, “I don’t think he’s going to be the drinking buddy you’re looking for.”

“Hey, you know what they say. You have to watch the silent ones.” 

Nobu doesn’t get the joke, or even the conversation. 

“He’s a board game fanatic,” Shal and Uvo chime together, not that it explains anything. 

Nobu grabs Uvo’s beer, taking a sip, “I...understand.” 

He didn’t. 

Uvo straightens up, “Oh man, you should have seen these two wackos who live above us, Nobu. Some ridiculous blond guy! Kinda reminds me of Hisoka now that I think about it, all showy and edgy and shit.”

Nobunaga looks repulsed. 

Shal grits his teeth, just remembering the encounter. “He brought us...pie.”

Nobu perks up, “Oh yea? That's nice of him. What flavour?”

“Cherry.” Shal spits out as if it was poison on his tongue.

“What the fuck.” Nobu matches his tone, his eyes narrowed at the thought. “What the fuck!”

Uvo shrugs, “it’s the thought that counts? Although yea, the guy kinda was a dick. The other guy he was with, Ging right? He reminded me so much of Klin! Man it took me back! I wish he was here to see it.”

Shal shifts in his seat, “you think Ging is anything like Franklin? I like Franklin.”

“Franklin can suck my-” Nobu starts, only for the sound of loud music to blast from outside, distracting him. “Ahem, well, ya. No thanks.”

Uvo chuckles, knowing that Klin and Nobu went together as well as oil and vinegar. 

“You didn’t even tell Nobu about our surprise guest this afternoon.” Shal mentions, removing his earbuds now seeing how the music outside was something he prefered in terms of tastes. “We met our elderly landlord right off the bat.” 

“Oh yeah!” Uvogin yells, “Nobu! I should set you up with him! I’m telling you, he’s a real looker!” 

“Shal just said he’s elderly!” Nobunaga growls, “And what did I just tell you about setting me up? Fuck off with all that! I’ll settle down when I’m damned ready!”

Uvo jumps to his feet, “No seriously, Nobu, this guy! Like, he must have been an athlete model or something in his youth! Hella tone! And I kid you not, came out here with guns blazing and the tightest shorts. Like give a man a little to imagine, whooboy.” 

“Yo, what the hell is wrong with him?” Nobu asks Shal, who can only offer a shrug. 

“Oh, okay, so I’m honest and that makes me the bad guy.” Uvogin wanders back to the kitchen, deciding to have another slice of the cherry pie that was clearly now all for him. 

“Maybe you should have a little more shame.” Nobu mutters before looking towards the door. “You got a guest?”

Shal peers in the same direction before hearing the knock. It was so weird how Nobu always managed to just know when people were around, even when he couldn’t see or hear them. It was fucking weird, and probably was a result of living with Uvo for years as kids. Nobu knew for a fact that Uvogin was a troublemaker by nature, so Uvogin must have made Nobu on edge for years. 

Uvogin bounds towards the front door, a goofy grin on his face. Whipping it open, he raised his arms up in amusement. 

“Mugi baby, I missed you!” Uvo says loudly, “how sweet of you to visit us again!”

With the door open the music was much louder, and now Uvogin could see the flashing lights coming from the patio area below them. The smell of freshly grilled meat filled the air, and the sounds of laughter were too hard to miss. 

“Oh! Uvo! Hello! Um, I came up here to ask you to join us for our barbecue! Mister Netero is always so sweet and hosts these things for us, so of course he would want you and Shalnark and your guest to come join us! If that’s okay with you that is.” Komugi smiles softly, her hands folded neatly in front of her. 

Uvo takes them in hers, a grin on his face, “of course we’ll come join ya! Nobu! Shal! Let's go meet our new neighbors properly!”

In a moment he slipped on his shoes and sweeped Komugi up into his arms, running down the stairs in a flash. 

“Uvo!” Shal yells, snapping the laptop closed and standing up reluctantly. 

Nobu groans as he follows the blond terror, the two of them slipping on their hoodies before heading out. It was cooler once the sun was down, but just as lively as if it didn’t phase the city it was nighttime. Nobunaga fixed his hair into a low ponytail as he followed behind Shal, both seeming sort of out of place as they joined the group of people at the bottom. 

Pariston was minging with a group of women that must have been from one of the other floors, seeing how they looked exhausted with him and his chattering. Ging had dragged himself out of his room, having claimed a seat and a beer by the grill while ignoring the people around him. What a charmer. 

Uvo was already the center of attention, his loud voice booming in the group. Shal and Nobu were a little envious of how easy Uvo made socialization look. 

And to Shalnark’s surprise, he could see Uvogin and Komugi talking to their landlord. 

Nobu grabs Shal’s arm, looking at Netero and raising a brow. 

“Ugh Shal, is that guy wearing a fur robe?”

True to Nobunaga’s words, Netero was wearing a cheetah print robe over his shorts and tank top, having now replaced his socks and sandals with a pair of neon pink flip flops. It was a look alright, that was something. Nobunaga didn’t know how to react to something so bright and showy. And Uvo was right, Netero had a face (and body) that dripped with confidence. 

Meruem was standing proudly beside Netero, wearing a longer robe in purple. It seemed that he and Netero were matching, both unphased by their lucrative outfit. 

“Shalnark! Welcome!” Netero chimes out, clapping Uvo on the arm as he walks past, instantly going towards Nobunaga. With a grin he eyes the new face, “what a handsome young fellow. Who’s your friend here? I appreciate a man who can grow his hair out and pull off the look.” 

Nobu stiffins like a cat, taking a step away and lifting up his hood to cover his hair, “ugh thanks. The name is Nobunaga. A friend of Uvo’s.”

Netero chuckles, “Shy I see. How surprising, since you look like the rugged type. I hope you don’t plan on going anywhere too soon,” he winks.

“I, well, maybe?” Nobu curses as he fumbles for an answer.  

“How are you two moving in? If you need any help I can offer my body for service, although it might cost you dinner!” Netero laughs, his robe swinging by his knees. 

“Quite the offer,” Shal says quickly, “but i’m sure Uvo can handle the heavy lifting alright. Right Uvo?” 

Uvo flexs an arm, “heh, I didn’t get these gains for nothing.”

“Are you showing off?” Netero raises a brow, before flexing his own arm. It was a hell of an impressive sight, especially for sore eyes. “If you train a little more than you’ll have a body like mine someday!” 

“If only!” Uvo slips out. 

Netero rubs his chin and looks at Nobu, “although the slender types are nice too. Not to say you aren’t a fine specimen. You’re probably more flexible where it counts.” 

“Flexible?!” Nobu gawks. 

“Oh you know, able to resist the aches of time, with good posture, able to hold whatever position you fancy.” Netero elaborates, “maybe we could exchange a few tips, man to man.” 

Uvo whistles lowly, wrapping an arm around Shal as the two walk away. “Maybe those two should get a room.”

Shal leans into his touch, “there’s something satisfying about seeing Nobunaga thrown out of his comfort zone and into whatever the fuck that was. Heck, even I’m getting lightheaded just listening to that conversation.”

“You’re savage.” Uvo chuckles, watching Meruem and Komugi approach them, each carrying burgers. 

“A food offering.” Meruem explains, “For you and your spouse.”    

“Why thank you, king of the games!” Uvogin grabs the burger, taking a giant bite. Chewing quickly, he points at the man, “so do you drink?”

Meruem blinks. “Yes, I do enjoy a beverage every few hours. Thank you for the inquiry.”

“Awesome, we should totally drink and play one of your games. I’m always down for a little competition!”

In a moment Meruem sparks alive, chatting about all the games he knows and the different types of water or juice they could drink while immersed in one of their future battles. In good humor, Uvo listens and adds in some questions, but doesn’t correct the man that this is definitely going to be a drinking game in the works. 

Komugi offers her second burger to Shalnark, or at least attempts to, seeing how she holds it out in the wrong direction. 

“Sorry about that! I’m just happy to listen to how thrilled Meruem is with the thought of a new gaming partner. He’s been looking for someone to play with while I’m at work, so this will be a nice little change!” Komugi says sweetly, because everything about her was kind and angelic. 

Shal wondered how he came off the the woman, although he somehow knew for a fact that she harboured no ill will about anyone. “Thank you. It seems Uvogin has warmed up to you, but feel free to tell him to back off if he’s to pushy. I know how he can be when he’s clingy.” 

“I think it’s sweet.” Komugi admits, “I haven’t been able to feel so at ease with someone other than Meruem since moving here, seeing how our other neighbours are nowhere near as open.”

“Don’t get me started.” Shal chuckles, still thinking about the horrors of cherry pie. 

Nobu appears by Shal’s side, his cheeks flushed as he takes a bite of Shal’s burger, “you abandoned me!”

“Welcome back!” Uvo mocks as he and Meruem rejoin the group, “how was your one on one?”

Nobu glares, “he offered me a place to stay if you two weren’t going to do so, and went as far as to offer me his bed.”

“Wow! Netero making moves! What a romantic.” Uvo whispers. 

Nobu flips Uvo the bird, not thrilled at all at this juvenile teasing. 

Meruem glances at Netero, who’s off minging with another older gentleman. “Netero is my father.” He says nonchalantly, taking another bite of his burger. 

Uvo nods his head, “Netero could be my daddy.”

Meruem squints, “I do not understand?”

Shal almost chokes on his food, and Nobu smacks him in the back as he coughs. 

“Idiot!” Shal says between gasps for air. 

“Oh like his real dad!” Uvo clues in, “Oh shit!”

“Dumbass!” Nobu says under his breath. 

On the other side of the patio, Netero opens up his can of beer with a stupid grin on his face. Standing across from him is Zeno, an old friend of his who often showed up when Netero had a grand scheme or held some haphazard event. From the random bbq, to party nights at the bowling alley, or even hanging out at the fun fun bar, Zeno was a good time. Netero was always thrilled to see him, even though Zeno never looked amused with Netero’s antics. 

“So you decided to pick up two new sheep to add to your flock?” Zeno asks casually, sipping a glass of wine he must have stolen from Netero’s storeroom on the first floor. “And may I ask what the hell you’re wearing?”

Netero points at himself, before offering a laugh. “Oh, you mean this frilly robe? Saw it at some couple shop and it cracked me up so I grabbed a set. Kept the cheetah print for myself, gave the purple one to Meruem over there. Kids a trooper, doesn’t even give a shit that he looks like some baller. Next I’m gonna get us matching sunglasses and chains, and maybe something spandex?”

Zeno sips at the glass, “Why?”

Netero smirks, “I just love fucking with people, ya know?”

“You told me last month you were going to toss out that tank top. You look like an idiot.”

“Yea, but I love a good crop top. Makes my abs really glow, doesn’t it?”

Zeno leans forward, running a finger over Netero’s stomach, before examining his finger. “You used body shimmer and oil? I’m judging you…”

“Oh come on, look at these new kids, they don’t know what to do with themselves while I’m around.” Netero beams, pinching the waistband of his yoga shorts and snapping them back against his skin, “hot right?”

“Repulsive.” Zeno shoots right back. 

“Oh come on, just let me screw with them a little longer.” Netero winks while making a heart out of his fingers, “Good ol Netty has so much to offer, and who am I to deny the masses?” 

Zeno closes his eyes. “You are a menace.”

Netero strikes a pose, cracking up as he gives a peace sign. “You’re probably right, but you can’t say you don’t love it.”

Zeno sighs and finishes his glass, watching the new group talking to the others that rented out Netero’s own personal amusement park. “You do you, Netero. You do you.”

“Hella.” Netero agrees, slapping Zeno on the arm, “Now let’s get drunk!”

In the city of Padokia, the terror known as Isaac Netero was ready to strike once again.


End file.
